If you are approaching your first holiday season as divorced parents, you and your former spouse's effort and attention should be focused on how to make the holiday season as manageable and pleasant as possible for your children. Here are three things that you can do to achieve that.
#1 Keep Your Feelings About Your Spouse To Yourself
It is going to be hard enough for your child to deal with celebrating the holidays in separate households and dealing with the disruptions of important family traditions that they count on occurring year after year. Your child does not need to deal with you bad-mouthing their other parent during the holiday season. Having to deal with your emotions is not your child's job, especially during the holiday season when they are already dealing with such a big disruption to their lives.
Keep your feelings about the divorce to yourself. When you are at holiday events and people ask about your divorce, keep the information that you share minimal when you know your children are listening and present.
Let your children know it is okay for them to still love their other parent and talk about them; when you need to vent, do so privately and away from your children.
#2 Try To Keep Some Traditions Together
If you and your spouse are still on speaking terms and can handle being around one another, try to keep some traditions in tact for your children this holiday season. Although eventually some traditions may need to change, all of that change doesn't have to happen at once.
For example, if your kids always opened presents on Christmas morning and then ate a special breakfast together, invite your spouse over and partake in this tradition together. Or, if your family usually takes a drive and goes and looks at the Christmas lights together, do that again this year. You don't have to maintain every family tradition, but see if you can work with your spouse to maintain one or two holiday traditions you know are really important to your children.
Let your children see that getting divorced does not mean they never get to have their parents together or they have to give up all the traditions they cherish and enjoy.
#3 Create A Detailed Schedule
Finally, during the holiday season, your children will most like have one or two weeks off from school at the end of December. The time off from school, combined with holiday parties and obligations, can make this a very busy month.
Sit down with your spouse and figure out a schedule that allows both of you to have the children for different important holiday parties and events. Make sure this schedule takes into accounts what your children want to attend, such as a friend's Christmas party. Be flexible during the holiday-times and be willing to make adjustments to your normal custody arrangement to your children don't have to miss out on any important events.
Having a set schedule will also help your children feel more secure and happy about the upcoming holiday season when they know they will get time with both their parents.
The key to making it through the first holiday season as a divorced parent is to keep your feelings about your spouse to yourself and work together with your spouse to maintain certain traditions together and share time as evenly and fairly as possible. If you need further mediation for special holiday arrangements, contact your divorce attorneys to see if they can assist or offer more tips.
Share